Drouillard

Here’s the thing: everyone wants their muse. How could I be so blind when I wrote down my criteria of what I want in a partner? Everyone wants someone that brings them up, that makes them a better person- everyone’s selfish like that. And that’s when people say “true love” ” they’re worth working for!” it’s a feeling that you just can’t mask. But here’s the thing- if that individual doesn’t reciprocate the same lust/want, or put in the effort for you (like you would for them,) suck it up an move on. Chances are, they’re looking or admiring someone who makes them better… In whichever way they desire. I’ve painfully been on both sides of the fence at the same time… Swatting back boys who see me as their upgrade, and being swatted by a man who is surrounded by powerful women. Who am I to compete? You can never say the wrong thing to the right people, but you can never say the right thing to the wrong people. It doesn’t mean you settle… It means you play smarter.

This whole ordeal has caused my much pain- happy pain- unnecessary frets. I’ve died a thousand deaths from agony and not fought a single battle, I’ve lost sleep and hours of dedicated time to the mere thought of him. I doubt we are singing the same song. Of course I could focus on the plethora of more feasible options, for my suitors are well bred and willing to please. Am I being foolish for not looking elsewhere? I used to take pride in my persistence, I gravitated tithe idea that I wanted to fight for something. Has distance made the idea more enticing? Or is this the oh-so-famous ‘definite’ feeling, that has indeed lit my soul, that one must hang onto with all they have.. I am losing spirit. If I put my brain on hold, I fear I will lose the insatiable feeling of lust that I’ve never had before. If I let my flame die, will he still recognize our beautiful compatibility? I can’t afford for him not to. I must fight for my life’s happiness. I just need a moment to breathe.

Uncomfortable in my own skin.
Need to revamp, after I clean up all the messes I made. I am a product of my own demise, and luckily I have the skills to piece it slowly back together.
Is this a conscience?

Some people call it Karma,
But I just call it human nature.

And he’s seeing what she’s singing
while you prayin’ that he ain’t listening
and you and her are more alike
than you’d really ever like to know.

Cause we all here sittin’ & singin’
[the same song.]